


Distance

by kaitou_marron



Category: Ao no Exorcist | Blue Exorcist
Genre: Brothers, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-20
Updated: 2012-03-09
Packaged: 2017-10-31 11:38:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/343628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaitou_marron/pseuds/kaitou_marron
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The push and pull creates the distance between Yukio and Rin.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Push

**Author's Note:**

> Newton’s third law of motion – To every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.

Hardship and sacrifice riddled Yukio’s life, as demons robbed him of his sense of security at a young age. Instead of yielding to his fear, he endured and trained to become stronger. Thus, although the world remained unsafe, he could protect himself.

By the time he turned fifteen years old, Yukio witnessed the consequence weakness. Horrific missions where his comrades were injured or killed served as vivid reminders of the cost of just one mistake. Death became so commonplace that Yukio stopped counting the number of funerals he has attended. 

During Yukio’s childhood, crying helped him deal with difficult situations. However, as the years passed, he realized that tears did nothing to change harsh reality. He told himself that his constant bawling only wasted energy, and he eventually convinced himself that turning off his emotions would be easier. This mindset replaced tears as Yukio’s coping mechanism, causing his crybaby tendencies to disappear and allowing development of a calm, polished exterior. Whenever emotionally strenuous circumstances arose, he donned a cold mask to hide his feelings. 

Therefore, concerning Rin’s demonic nature, Yukio could only act in the manner in which he conditioned himself. He used his sensibility to evaluate the situation surrounding his twin and found himself focusing on two likely outcomes – Rin succumbing to his demonic temperament or the True Cross Order executing Rin. So, Yukio realized the high probability of his brother falling to either Gehenna or the Order.

Although a chance of saving Rin remained, Yukio couldn’t keep the possibility of losing Rin from dominating his thoughts. Yukio loved his brother so much that the concept of losing Rin was unbearable. As a defense mechanism, Yukio distanced himself from his twin.

‘This emotional void between us is the only way to help me deal with Rin’s absence, if that’s what the future holds,’ Yukio found himself repeating over and over in his mind.

Yukio blamed himself for the tenuous nature of his and Rin’s relationship and for their constant sniping at one another. Although Yukio felt guilty treating his brother so coldly, he truly feared what the anguish of losing Rin would do to his mental health. So, Yukio kept his icy disposition in place and continued to push Rin away. Yukio saw this route the only way to protect himself from the possibility of future emotional pain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m using the holiday to try to force myself to get something written, as the words are not coming easily. I’ve wanted to do something to explore that strained relationship between Yukio and Rin since summer but haven’t gotten around to it until now.
> 
> I hope you all enjoyed. Next up is “Pull” in Rin’s POV, which is making me all sorts of nervous as I’ve only ever written in Yukio’s POV for AoEx…


	2. Pull

‘How do I get close to Yukio again?’ Rin asked himself.

He recalled a childhood in which Yukio had been his entire world. The memory remained so vivid that he felt as if he could reach out and embrace it. However, throughout the years, their relationship changed. The transformation took place over such a long time period that Rin couldn’t pinpoint when his precious, little brother became more like a stranger.

Until recently, Rin didn’t know that Yukio had a second life or that the strength Yukio developed came with such a terrible price. Most of all, Rin hadn’t realized that his existence caused his twin’s suffering. Whenever Rin considered Yukio’s childhood, guilt overwhelmed him like waves of nausea.

‘He could have told me,’ Rin thought. ‘Things didn’t have to end up so strained between us. Why did he choose to shut me out? What can I do for him now?’

Realizing Yukio had spent the past eight years watching over him, Rin desperately wanted to show his gratitude. However, he was unsure how to accomplish this goal. He had only recently found out that his life was a lie. Accepting this reality required much of his mental stamina. Although his family and the clergymen at the monastery misled him with good intentions, deception was hurtful by nature.

Rin found his thoughts returning to Yukio, a pained expression crossing his features as he made sense of Yukio’s increasingly dismissive attitude towards him as the years passed.

‘He has every reason to hate me,’ Rin told himself. He immediately tried to flush this notion from his system. If he focused on these negative emotions, they would crush him. Rin gained nothing by dwelling on the past.

With his paternity and the world of exorcism no longer a secret, Rin resolved to close the rift between his twin and himself. He rationalized that no reason existed to keep them from becoming close again. After carefully considering different actions he could take to reconnect with his brother, Rin realized that not reacting and not letting things get to him was his best option. By acting normally, Rin hoped Yukio would feel more comfortable around him. Perhaps by just being his brash, honest self, the distance between them would naturally close. Rin could only hope that this recourse would pull his brother back to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoyed. Out of the Okumura twins, I find Rin harder to understand by far. I think it’s pretty amazing the way he handles himself emotionally… I guess if he agonized over everything, he'd drive himself nuts... =p
> 
> Nooooow, onto my next project??


End file.
